Scoop 3: No Sex please we’re prudish

Gigi writes a weekly column for Scoop – click https://scoopnews.co.za to see!

Last Thursday night I found myself at the Menlyn shopping centre for the premiere of Platteland, the Movie.

My expectations were high, seeing that the sexy male lead is my favourite singer. I also love the platteland and was curious to see if the producer could capture the heart and people of the countryside.

You see, my second home is a small harbour village called Gansbaai. I love the food and lifestyle and people of the wonderful Overberg district.

So there I was at the movie with Olga, my university friend, sharing all the glitz and glamour Pretoria has to offer. The man in my life was a bit Steve-a-phobic, so he was left at home.

Olga and I sat in the cinema, eager to be thrilled by all the big names of the singing industry. But I am sorry to say I still cannot make out whether the producer aimed to make a musical, cowboy, action or love story. It had every skiet, skop and donner trick that I have seen before.

And I really thought it would be more soothing to the soul if the main actress only sang and spoke less. And my favourite singer, I am sorry to say, turned out to be no Clint Eastwood.

It seems as if producers are obsessed to put a strip scene into each and every South African movie. I can proudly say that the strip scene in this movie was filmed in my own Lollipop Lounge in Johannesburg.

My club has a warm, Moulin Rouge-like, burlesque atmosphere. It’s just a pity that the actresses never spent time with my dancers to find out what a lap dance or being a stripper is all about.

Now imagine having a strip club in the countryside. It would be my dream to run such a place over there, but I can promise you, it will never become a reality.

The whole town would demand to know what you do for a living. And as you run errands in town, you will be one hundred percent sure to run into some villager that you danced for the previous night – maybe even one of the teachers at your children’s school.

Forget about a stage name and moonlighting. And the worst thing is the money – a strip club’s cash flow in a dorp is guaranteed to be slow. Not to mention the lack of customers.

When I was in Gansbaai a couple of months ago, some women were sitting at a coffee shop. One of them spotted me on the pavement and approached me. “I hope you’re not moving in,” she said. “No,“ I said, “I already live here.”

“We don’t like competition here. We will have to guard our husbands with you around,” she snarled.

That’s when my illusion of ever opening a strip club in the countryside died.

I would love some producer to approach me with a script that truly reflects this vibrant and erotic industry.

In the meantime, I am fascinated by the Americanised misinterpretation of my industry. Let’s wake up and smell the roses.

Have a great week!
Love
GiGi

See the article online here: https://scoopnews.co.za/no-sex-please-were-prudish/